life // comparisons

image source

It's been a hard week. It's been hard for no particular reason and for all reasons. Nothing is all that wrong, and yet, everything is wrong. My grandmother, KK, says, "when it's everything, it's really just you." My friend, Rachel, says Mercury is in retrograde. I'd rather blame Mercury than myself, but KK is probably right. 

I really try not to deem my life as "stressful" all that often. I realize that I am lucky to have what I have and that many people aren't as fortunate. I think this reluctance is a good thing, but also a bad thing. I feel like I don't deserve to be stressed. So when something stressful happens, I shove it down and tell myself it's fine. I compare my problems to someone who has it worse and tell myself to stop being a baby. But it's not always fine, is it? Really, it's probably okay to be stressed about your infant starting a new daycare and about four of your best friends moving away all at once. It's okay to be stressed about trying to grow a small business, and about a bad economy. I'm learning that shoving it down makes it worse. I become more stressed because I'm stressed about being stressed when I don't deserve to feel stressed. What a mess. 

It snowballs:

All the stress makes you more open to the voice. You know what voice I'm talking about? That voice that creeps up and tells you you're not good enough. That voice loves to compare. You scroll Instagram and the voice stacks up the perfect pieces of everyone else's life against your one life. The voice starts to say you should really be better at cooking healthy meals, exercising, doing activities with your child, wearing makeup properly, at some part of your career, etc. etc. on and on. 

This week, the voice got me good. I was on my way to a meeting for a group I'd like to be a part of. I spent for-ev-er getting ready because crawling babies are always crawling away. I hired a sitter. I got in my car to go and the voice said "why would these people want to befriend you? They are more successful than you. You will NEVER be successful, and who are you to think you will be?" I let it keep going, "You aren't even very good at design, or very creative. Actually come to think of it, you're not a good wife or mother, either. You really really suck and you're an ugly loser." That voice is mean. 

I'm not sharing this to fish for compliments. In my rational, reasonable mind, I have a pretty healthy self-esteem. I know I'm a good wife and mother and that I was blessed with decent talent. I'm sharing this because we all have that voice and it's our choice whether we let it creep up and say such rude things. That day, I let it. I let it tell me all the disgusting things it could and I believed every word. I let it compare me to perfect ideals that do not exist. I let it weigh me down and make me feel like I wasn't enough. And I let it use comparisons to do the job. 

Needless to say, I broke down. I did not attend my meeting. I sat in my car with a pen and paper and wrote down things I am thankful for and you know what? The list was pretty long. It turned me around. (I also did some donuts in an empty parking lot, which made me very dizzy but also very happy.) Whether it was the list or the donuts, I'm not sure, but I do know that I decided to stop letting the voice of comparison tell me who I was, and this decision made the difference. 

To be completely transparent, I'm not sure why I felt like I should write about this. Maybe it's because I feel like I've seen more posts than normal about "bad days" or had more friends having crappy times as of late. Maybe it's because I'm also guilty of only portraying the perfect parts of my life on social media. Maybe it's because I have a son now and I never want to him to believe that ugly, untrue voice. Life is not perfect and it will never be. I will never be a master of all things. I will never be all things ideal. But I am enough. Broken and flawed, I am still enough. I am worthy of a happy life and I do not deserve to feel unworthy of such. And neither do you. You are always enough. Don't let the comparisons take you down. And if you know in which direction Mercury sits, join me in giving it the middle finger. 

Process // Deer Sweet Baby Shower

I love to design for weddings. Weddings are my jam and also bread and butter. BUT babies are creepin' up and trying to be my new favorite. Invitations to a party where all you do is look at precious tiny clothes and toys? Yes. Birth announcements? Even better. I could look at squishy newborn photos all day everyday. Don't tell anyone, but I sometimes zoom in super close on their photos and cry at their tiny features. We all have our quirks, okay?

I digress. 

I'm going to be an aunt! My sweet sister, Haylee, is due in March and I. cannot. wait. She, the most impatient person on this Earth, also cannot wait. My nephew's nursery has been beautifully decorated and waiting for him to come play since the day after her first ultrasound. (That's a slight exaggeration but you get it.) Mr. Fischer will be a boy's boy. Hunting, fishing, all things dirt. His room is rustic chic with my sister's signature style. This made the shower invitation easy. 

 

I started with the color palette, and chose to pull from the colors of his bedding (purchased here). The theme would obviously be antler-based, but I also wanted to play on the delicate nature of babies themselves and so I chose a playful script. 

Bonus: it's perfect for monograms and nobody loves monograms more than Fischer Zachary Boyd's mom-to-be. This kid will never lose a blanket in his life. Monograms are also one of my most favorite ways to "class up the joint" as we (I) refer to it with my coworkers (no one) around the office (living room). And so, BEHOLD: the final product:

So far, it has rave reviews (from my sisters, and my mom who called it "cute" with no punctuation or emojis because why inflate your child's ego?). If you also want to purchase this invitation and leave a one word review, you may do so right here. My mom suggests "neat" or "good" in case you need ideas.

DIY // Holiday Card Flipbook

It's time to clean up the Christmas decor. This used to be my least favorite thing to do. I always missed seeing the tree and feeling all the holiday vibes. This year, I've got a wandering baby who loves hazards and I was relieved to have the tree out of the way.

If you're like me (you are), then you've got approximately 5 million holiday cards that you don't want to throw in the trash. Something about seeing leftovers smeared all over your aunt's face just doesn't sit well. What do you do with them? They're sweet but you're out of drawer space. Enter: me. My little flipbook is perfect for holding onto these holiday moments in a much less cluttered way. Also, it takes maaaaybe 10 minutes total because TIME IS MONEY or because naps are better than crafts.

SUPPLIES // Single hole punch, binder ring, tag, pen, leftover ribbon, Christmas cards. 

STEP ONE // Aggressively punch holes in the corner of each card.

STEP TWO // Weave the binder ring through each card.

STEP THREE // Write the year on your tag and tie ribbon around it all for cuteness and storage purposes.

That's all. Stick it on a shelf or pack it away with your Christmas decor so you can look through it each year and remember how skinny everyone used to be.